The Desert of Lent

How are you doing on your Lenten discipline? If you are like me you have stumbled, fallen and wondered what you were thinking doing this particular discipline for Lent.

If you are also like me, you have started looking at the number of weeks left, or counting down the days. So how do we find encouragement while we are on this private and personal journey of discovery with God?

Prayer. It seems like it should be more complicated than this, but it isn't. Because the form prayer takes for each of us is so vastly different, it thrust us into a different form of dessert. A desert where God speaks to us in a way that is not the same from person to person. One hears Gods voice in song, another through meditation, and for me it has been through Morning Lectio Divina and the Rosary. Oh, I am doing way more than this, but these two don't require a bible, note taking and and careful sorting of thoughts. There is relief in just sitting with God when I feel I can't take one more step in the wasteland.

A few days ago I ran into another problem. People who were prayerfully walking through lent like me, started talking about how mass would be better if music was removed here, if meditation was made mandatory there, if the children were forced to be quiet. I have never been so angry as I was in that moment. It was as if they had never been in lockdown from COVID. To lose the opportunity to be with our church family, to hear the cry of children, to sing songs with the body of Christ, to partake in the real presence of Christ, to be present and alive in the moment. My heart cried out in frustration that we had learned nothing from the most profound desert of all. That of unwilling separation from life. Because make no mistake, there are some places where people still haven't left their homes, are living in fear, and are not doing well because of separation (Ukraine anyone???).

This lent I have asked family members and friends to join me in various possible disciplines, and there was only one they took me up on. That's not a bad thing, but when I would like to discuss or get feed back on where I am, it's just me and God sitting there at the end of the day. Again not bad, but it can feel lonely when you are used to constant verbal feedback. I find myself leaning into God and asking, what did Jesus do when he felt alone? What was his prayer? Do I have the courage to utter it?

You know why this is scary right? Because the prayer in the desert was no different than the one he uttered on his road to Calvary. He didn't whine and cry out about how unfair it all was. He did ask if the cup could be taken away, but by God's will not his. And this has to be our prayer in the midst of wanting it to be all over, to ask for God's will.

Growing up was never a desire of mine. I liked being childlike and not having a ton of responsibility. The only advantage to growing up was not having anyone boss me around, and here I am asking God to be the boss. I never thought I would see the day I would willingly give up the only positive of being an adult. I also realized there is the possibility that the prayer will lead me down a path of difficult intense learning. Yep, that is the road He has placed my feet on. Some days I am running to keep up, it is a road unsupported by those not walking with me. And again I feel lost and lonely, and there is God to lean into again. The pattern is a beautiful one I am only just beginning to appreciate. I am learning (some days are better than others) to turn towards family and friends with love rather than frustration, and that is unexpected.

I pray that your desert journey has you leaning into God, and facing a world opposed to your spiritual development, with love in your eyes and joy in your heart. Remember, you are never alone, and you are loved.