Who Did God Create You To Be?

I just love the quick little quotes that Dynamic Catholic sends out every day. It may seem like a small blip in my daily grind, but it always plants a seed of "Where am I heading and What am I supposed to be doing?" Today was no different and became an email conversation with a very good friend of mine named Barbara.

Today's quote was from Matthew Kelly's Book The Rythm of Life, "Get to know your legitimate needs, your deepest desires, and your unique talents. They are the clues that God has placed within you to help you discover your destiny and become the-best-version-of-yourself."

I was pondering this quote for quite a while when I received this from Barbara:

I have been thinking lately of what the best version of myself is or has been. I have had moments in my life that I feel I was right where I needed to be and contributed to enhancing some relationship, situation, and/or the common good.  I feel that right now I'm where I need to be.  But am I the best version of myself right now?  I want to believe I am...I'm just feeling that my contribution isn't enhancing in some areas of my life...like work. I pray about this every day.  I ask the holy spirit to enter into my day and work through me to do God's will.  (How do you like that for surrender?) I often feel that there are forces beyond not only my control, but like...other worldly (I know, tin hats) that are at play and that these forces are getting more powerful.  I see it in people, situations, meetings and relationships. Yet, I'm not feeling the presence that I have felt like the best version of myself or God's soothing hand. 

LOL,

Barbara 

Me:

I pondered this one as well. There were two things I believe I really need to answer for myself. First, what are my legitimate needs? Second, what are my unique talents?

I feel like with both questions I avoid answering because I'm afraid I will be disappointed and overwhelmed by the answer. I will have more to do because I shot below the mark. Basically, I have set myself up to be disappointed no matter what the answer is, and I don't want that. I want to be able to see hope, excitement and joy in my future. 

I like your tin hat idea. Perhaps not too far off the mark for many people sitting outside the realm of faith. God is definitely moving everything in a powerful way. I like the way Bishop Barron describes faith. He says that we have reason which explains the known universe in all our mathematical and scientific ways and then we have faith which goes beyond reason. I like to think of it as being the hypothesis we give before the proof. The Holy Spirit whispering to us, "it's possible" and pushing us to do it. And we take the leap of faith before anyone even believes it could ever happen. 

The best version of yourself is you right now asking the question because it means you are not willing to settle... That is me when I am not afraid or hesitant. I am afraid and hesitant right now combined with being overwhelmed, so all the little fears I have are growing like a monster in my mind. I can tell myself all I want that it will be ok, that it will pass and then one more thing happens, a small mistake is made, I take something personally and fear the repercussions of the 'personal attack'. I am most definitely not the best version of myself. So, in the midst of my heartache and fear I have to force myself to bulldoze through the simplest tasks and remind myself that because I am not willing to settle it means I am still in God's hands doing the very best I can with His guidance. My tin hat is secured to my head, and I am blazing forward pretending I know what I'm doing.

Bernadette

Later from Barbara:

You make me cry. Seriously. Thank God no one is in my office. I think you are pretty courageous. I have an understanding of what you are going through and how difficult it is to juggle everything coming at you.  I think our society requires us to pretend a lot and it's at times appropriate to do so in this world...survival. May I suggest that while juggling you use one of your feet. It helps, but standing on one foot does tire one out. :)

I can't pretend...I'm not good at it and it doesn't feel good or right to me.  And, in not pretending, from my perception, I'm annoying people and feel...and probably am... sometimes dismissed.  

I listened to the whole audio book on Catholicism 101 by Matthew Kelly again this weekend and really paid attention this time.  I'm not a fan of his style in this particular book...Guilt and learning to forgive myself is one of the things I'm working through and believe me, I can feel guilty even though I didn't throw the ball through the window.  So, that book was a little brutal.

I'm going to find some tissues now.  I really do cry reading our correspondences...weird.

Mwwaahh,

Barbara

Finally from me:

I find myself crying when I am face to face with God as well. Today I faced him with you and your beautiful words describing your courageous walk of faith even when you didn't know you were doing it. It was in the meal my boss bought me just because. It was in the full moon I watched rising over the Mesa, and it was in a sweet letter I received from a German friend who included two children's, dinosaur, Band-Aids that say, "for when it hurts." 

I think sometimes we have worked so hard to separate ourselves from God, that when we finally turn and face Him, we are overwhelmed by the love that is waiting for us. We don't deserve it - we know that. We haven't earned it - and boy do we know that. And yet it is there like the flowers blooming in our garden. Just waiting for us to take notice, appreciate it and realize in that moment it is all for us. His love, his gift of Christ washing us clean. It is all for you. It is all for me. It is joy beyond reason into Faith with unfathomable Hope and Love. I think we are allowed to shed a few tears of appreciation for a level of Love that reflects a small glimpse of heaven.

Have a blessed and peace filled Evening.

PS this one is getting posted Love you Lennon!

Bernadette